3+3 = faulty math

Home Daycare. It all seemed ideal (yes – I begin all of my schemes with naïve optimism). My two bigger kids are in school at least part of the day, my toddler invites EVERYONE he meets to play with him, our new overlarge home has a really great playroom and quiet spare room for toddler-sized nappers…next plan to fix finances found, right?

So I relaxed, planned an action-packed summer with my kids and some preparations in the house for the toddler invasion the following school year. Then the playdate that changed everything happened.

A friend of my eldest came with her little brother and mom x 3-to-be. The 5 kids all got along beautifully. I mentioned my plan to the mom and she mentioned back that she was looking for exactly what I was offering…well almost. She would need care before and after school for her eldest (same age and class at school as my eldest), care for her toddler (3 months older than my youngest) and starting early fall, care for her soon to be born 2 days a week.

It wasn’t exactly what I had planned, but how lucky was that? I wouldn’t have to advertise and the kids all seemed to really like each other. Of course I jumped at the chance. It was perfect!

Fast forward one week when their nanny for the summer resigned and they needed my help immediately with their toddler and eldest 1-2 days a week over the summer. Not wanting to mess with the perfect plan for the fall, I said yes. Had I done the math, I might have realized that this really was a lot of work for less than the originally planned financial gain though. Also, my action-packed summer plans with my 3 not-in-school kids + 1 toddler and occasionally an extra 7 year old more was not a simple adjustment in plan.

Fast forward again to mid-fall when I had expected to have my 3 kids + their 3 kids and I didn’t get their 3rd until mid-winter. Perfect was not so perfect anymore.

If it had just been a financial blip, we might have eventually recovered. It did cause a dip in my enthusiasm though. The bigger dip came from something I hadn’t anticipated happening along the way - a complete MELTDOWN of EPIC proportions from my middle child.

She loved playing with the littler kids and helping take care of them (she’s such a little momma) and initially she also worshipped her new big girl friend. The drama to come began slowly…an extra tantrum here, running upstairs in a huff there. It escalated to scary territory though when she decided to try running away leaving me with 5 kids and no safe way to run after her (she made it to the corner when a neighbor managed to catch her for me – then we all cried). The pressure of always sharing her toys, time, attention and space with her new big girl friend 2 days a week every week did her in. I’m not sure who suffered the most. Her older brother became man-like and hid in his room to avoid the drama and her little brother permanently attached himself to me.

So, just under a year after starting down this path, I realized this was a far from perfect plan. It was ideal. I gave the 3’s family notice and time to find someone new and prayed for a nanny to appear for them quickly. When it was over, none of us looked back. Drama ended and I set my sights on a new plan.

A few things I learned that may or may not be helpful:

1) Average charge for home daycare in Toronto is $40-50/day
2) To make it work I needed space for 2 additional toddlers in my wagon (or stroller), assigned sleeping area for each child, and a big enough indoor and outdoor area for everyone to play
3) Home daycares typically provide food, but not diapers and wipes
4) 2 days a week x 2 toddlers (average $640/month) was a nice addition to our bank account without impacting my ability to maintain our home and support for my own children. Conversely 1 toddler x 2 days a week + 1 big kid before and after school ($5/hour was the going rate in our area) averaged $360/month. Doing the math and sticking with the plan that works for your family is a major contributor to success
5) Love the kids you look after, but never put their needs ahead of your own kids (I tried not to do this, but it did happen occasionally and always resulted in torment for me)